A Trip to the ATM: A Play in One Act

February 10, 2015 • ∞

ATM: Hi there! How can I help you?

Dan: Hi. Could I have $60, please?

ATM: Sure! $200, coming right up!

Dan: Wait, no, but I said—

ATM: Here’s your $200!

Dan: OK, well, thanks. But could I just give you back—

ATM: No problem! Bye!

Dan: Wait, do we really have to—

ATM: Hi there! How can I help you?

Dan: Yes. Yes, hi. I’d like to make a deposit.

ATM: Sure! Whaddya got?

Dan: Well it’s just that you just gave me—never mind, here’s $140.

ATM: Great! Happy to take that off your shoulders. Now if you could just hang on a minute while I give it the ol’ once-over.

Dan: It’s actually the same—

ATM: Oh it’ll just take a moment. Can’t be too careful, you know? You would not believe what some people stick in that slot.

Dan: Right but I literally just handed you back what you—

ATM: [cough]

Dan: Um… Are you okay?

ATM: Oh, yeah, fine! Just feeling a little under the weather. It’ll just be a few more seconds.

Dan: You know maybe it’d be better if you gave me back—

ATM: [hacking cough]

Dan: Oh come on.

ATM: You know, I’m actually not feeling too well. I should probably give you back your money.

Dan: Yes, I think that would be best.

ATM: You just wait a minute, and I’ll get that right back to you.

Dan: Uh, OK.

ATM: …

Dan: Hello?

ATM: Right, so, about your money.

Dan: Um, yes?

ATM: I can’t give it back to you.

Dan: Wait, what? Did you deposit my money?

ATM: I did not deposit your money.

Dan: You didn’t deposit my money, and you can’t give me back my money?

ATM: That’s right.

Dan: So where is my money?

ATM: I’ll tell you what. I think it’s easier if you just tell me how much you think you gave me, and when they come by tomorrow I’ll let them know what you said, and we can see what happens.

Dan: We can see what happens?! But this is all because you— OK, fine, it was $120, which you might have guessed because I originally asked for—wait, did I say $120? I meant $140!

ATM: Great! So I’ll just tell them to look for an extra $120 lying around.

Dan: No, $140!

ATM: Anyway, glad to be of service!

Dan: Wait, but I meant—

ATM: Hi there! How can I help you?

Dan: …